Life has a way of throwing curveballs at you, but I’m staying strong. It takes a lot to be knocked down from this high I’ve been feeling lately. Keeping those who truly care close for support and reminding myself that “this too shall pass”, as it always has. It’s tough setting your own deadlines, I need to be harder on myself. I need to be more disciplined with my work. I feel so inspired lately, it’s nice. Big changes coming up for the month of September that are keeping my spirits up as well. Starting every day with a positive attitude and not letting bullshit get to me by focusing on what’s truly important and just trying to be the best version of myself that I can be!
Going back to work after being off for a few days… had to take care of some personal family things. Staying positive about that as well. We’ll see what happens.
Life is a fucking roller coaster and I’m starting to enjoy the ride.
I feel so unbelievably happy. This past weekend was quite horrible for me, but after Sunday everything started getting better. Just looking forward to all of these wonderful changes that are happening. I feel good and I’m surrounded by amazing people who really love and support me for being myself. I don’t need anything else. I feel different. I have never felt this way before and I’m so excited for things to come.
Some say love is a burning thing
That it makes a fiery ring
Oh but I know love as a fading thing
Just as fickle as a feather in a stream
See, honey, I saw love,
You see it came to me
It puts its face up to my face so I could see
Yeah then I saw love disfigure me
Into something I am not recognizing
See the cage, it called. I said, come on in
I will not open myself up this way again
Nor lay my face to the soil, nor my teeth to the sand
I will not lay like this for days now upon end
You will not see me fall, nor see me struggle to stand
To be acknowledged by some touch from his gnarled hands
You see the cage it called. I said, come on in
I will not open myself this way again.
You see the moon is bright in that treetop night
I see the shadows that we cast in the cold clean light
I might fear I go and my heart is white
And we race right out on the desert plains all night
So honey I am now, some broken thing
I do not lay in the dark waiting for day here
Now my heart is gold, my feet are right
And I’m racing out on the desert plains all night
So some say love is a burning thing
That it makes a fiery ring
All that I know love as a caging thing
Just a killer come to call from some awful dream
And all you folks, you come to see
You just to stand there in the glass looking at me
But my heart is wild, and my bones are steel
And I could kill you with my bare hands if I was free
The most amazing thought occurred to me. It came to me as I opened my eyes from yet another attempt at staying asleep while on the highway home. As I opened my eyes and shifted my body to find a comfortable position, I encountered a sight I have rarely seen and few times have been able to appreciate. I saw dim lights pierced against the dark blanket of night. It wasn’t just one, a couple, a few—I saw one too many to count and that’s when I realized, I am nothing. What am I in this world? I am nothing but a speck as insignificant as dust in this universe. My problems are virtually non-existent. As humans, we are obsessed with ourselves. We obsess over relationships with one another, over the perception of ourselves. We engage in wars, prejudice, inequality in a futile effort to prove dominance and for what? For nothing. With so much left to see beyond the land we stand on—both above it and underneath it—why do we make ourselves seem as bigger specks than we truly are? For the first time, mortality seemed fitting. One hundred years on this earth equate to nothing in comparison to what this planet has endured. One hundred years are easily wasted if we disregard what matters. One hundred years is all we each have allotted and we must seize every opportunity to expand ourselves beyond what our minds trample upon. It was while pondering the relevance of my life to the universe that I felt this overwhelming sensation of calmness. My body, my mind; they felt light and in a way, free. I am nothing and my problems are irrelevant. You are nothing and your problems are irrelevant.